Twitter as next Universal Business Panacea ?

Every few years a new fad sweeps EnterpriseWorld as the New Panacea. We've had Re-Engineering, Total Quality, CRM, Balanced Scorecards etc etc in recent memory. The formula is usually the same - CXO hears about New New Snake Oil at conference after having all defences bashed down by superb booze, sycophantic babes and seductive promises from Smooth Salesguys, and comes back to BigCo Towers determined to get a program moving and "move the dial".

I'm afraid that Social Media looks like its tipping up as the next one, and what can be more Socmed today than Twitter. Of course Twitter can save your business, and here is the proof as AdAge (a neutral party if ever there was one) labels Twitter as "Proves Its Worth as a Killer App for Local Businesses". Proves? Killer App?

There are Five Tips for local businesses looking to use Twitter

TRACK EVERY SALE. Sure, Twitter's relatively cheap, but you still want to know you're getting something for the human effort. Naked Pizza's point-of-sale system codes the origin of every order -- was it from a specific coupon or a box topper? -- which allowed it to calculate that a recent "Tweetie Pie" Twitter promotion, accounted for 15% of his shop's revenue on the day it ran.

TWITTER IS NOT FACEBOOK. Twitter is more immediate -- if a person doesn't check their Twitter feed for an hour she could easily miss the message. Berry Chill CEO Michael Farah uses Twitter for real-time communication ("Spotted: Justin Timberlake at Berry Chill!") and Facebook for longer-lead calls to action, like enlisting focus-group volunteers.

CREATE A CONVERSATION. Don't blast promotions incessantly. Intersperse them with other nuggets of wisdom or news related to your products and industry or neighborhood. Or, if you have a broader social mission, use Twitter to communicate that. Naked Pizza co-founder Jeff Leach suggests that if these kinds of social technologies become game changers, there may be a day when companies' initial business plans take into consideration whether they have anything worth microblogging.

SELL LAST-MINUTE INVENTORY. Twitter's immediacy is its biggest strength -- so use it to pump up business during lulls or discount last-minute unsold goods, said Zack Steven, co-founder of LocalTweeps, a local Twitter directory, who caught same-day discounted tickets at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis via Twitter.

ALERT FOLLOWERS WHEN YOU'RE ON THE GO. Venture capitalist Fred Wilson likes to point to KogiBBQ, a Korean taco truck that drives around Los Angeles, alerting its almost 20,000 followers to its current and future locations via a Twitter feed.

I can't wait for every Laundry and Dry Cleaner, Pizza Parlour and Hairdresser to take this to heart, I am sure the planet is full of people like just waiting to subscribe to them all. Or having "@bozo - you just mentioned Pizza - Did You know that Joe Shmoe Pizzeria is round the corner" in your twtstream the minute you open your digital gob.

This.is.called.spam. People by and large don't like it but advertisiers desperately want companies to do it and pay for the priveledge.

The truth, sadly, is far more prosaic - a few early adopters will get some local advantage going while the airwaves are relatively unspammed, and its seens as cutesy - but when everyone starts blasting out the @messages it will just p*ss people off. Which means bribing 'em with giveaways to listen. Which means a giveaway arms race. Which means higher cost of sale. Which means doom, not delight.

So, what is Twitter good for? Its an emerging aide to that most boring thing, running a business soundly with attention to detail:

LISTENING - its a Pub/Sub system, so sub to people you want to listen to

ANALYSIS - of what peopel are saying about you, your ecosystem etc

CUSTOMER SERVICE - helping people with problems, informaton etc

REWARDING LOYAL CUSTOMERS - these are the people you want to subscribe to you, your "Tribe". You want them to sing your praises elsewhere though, not bombard them with cr*p and turn them off

Its not for nothing that one of the fastest growing roles right now is that of "Community Manager".

Twitter - and Social Media overall - are just tools, means to an end. They are no more panaceas than ERP or CRM or TQM or WTF else pops up next. The way you run a successful small business has always been to sell more than you buy, to keep a tight handle on cashflow, try and be on a rising S curve. be friends with the local powers-that-be, and to be in the right place, preferably at the right time.

And don't drink Snake Oil, even if it is flavoured as Kool-Aid.